I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
