she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sext me about skeletons
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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