i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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