I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
