Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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