I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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