Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
