All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
