shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
