$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
