i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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