I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
