can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
