in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
