whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
