This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
