I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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