He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
