Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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