we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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