Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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