Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
