Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
what day is it and did you see me today?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
