dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
