Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
