had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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