Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
