stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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