drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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