I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
