its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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