what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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