i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
