THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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