my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
