every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
