thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
