i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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