Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
