turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
