Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
