Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
