U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
