not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
