how can u be prego again
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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