i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
