At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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