The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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