I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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