Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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