Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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