So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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