My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
