y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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