yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
