Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
