I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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