You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
