OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
