there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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