Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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