Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
