did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
