im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We're too hungover to prance.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
