You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
