So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
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words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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