Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's official drugs can't kill me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
