watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
