Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
