I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
