I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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