white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
