Redeem this text for a blowjob
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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