Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
there is glitter all over my balls
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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