She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
