adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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