I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
